Some of the Weekend.

The weekend at Mom’s was O.K. Pretty much par for the course…if going to my mother’s was a golf course and you happen to do ‘just fine’ whilst playing on said course.

We drove ‘home’ on Saturday. (It’s about a one hour and half drive…no big whoop.) Soon after we arrived my stepfather asked me if I would mow my grandfather’s lawn. I didn’t mind the idea of mowing his lawn, however I didn’t really want to spend time with him at his house. My grandfather’s house is falling down around him. Literally. One part of it is closed off because the ceiling panels are coming down. And the sun porch is full of dead plants. It’s not a happy place. It’s reflective of him in a lot of ways…maybe that’s why he is so comfortable there, and doesn’t want a thing touched. Which is fine with me because it’s sort of gross.

Anyway, My Stepfather said, “I’ll take you out to eat tonight in Keokuk, if you mow your Grandpa’s yard.” (Keokuk is another Iowa river town south of Fort Madison. It’s a bit larger so they have more meth. <—this is a joke. We weren’t having meth for supper. Though I s’pose some do around there) I didn’t want him to think he had to ‘pay’ me for mowing the lawn, so I told him it wasn’t necessary. He replied, “Well, why not? I have 20,000 dollars.”

“20 thousand dollars?” I thought. Wow. Um, O.k? Jolly good work? I was confused as to the correlation between this amount and dinner, or even with the mowing of the lawn. So I just said, “ok,” Maybe that was his plan, some sort of “LOOK OVER THERE!…”

“20,000 DOLLARS!”

He received an inheritance from his father. And now it’s time for the famous “Buy everything he wants game.” It’s quite fun for him, but it drives my mother (and the rest of us vicariously) crazy.

My sis rode home from Supper in Keokuk with D and I. Mom and B (stepfather) rode separately so they could stop at The Wal Mart to spend loads of cash on things that will boost their ratings in the social Echelon of our family. I.E. He was going blow a chunk of his inheritance, and Mom will (pretend) to be quite angry with him.

We took ‘River road’ home. The drive brought back many memories of my step-father (my first one, the one who raised me…he was mostly a jerk. mostly.) Anyway, he would take my sisters and I for a drive in the evening while my mom was out playing Bingo or bowling. Mom played Bingo a lot…come to think of it. (WAIT! holy shit, I just re-read this paragraph and I’m…I’m white trash. LOL just foolin’ i knew’d I’s that already.) So yeah, he would take us on drives along old highways along the Mississippi river, both on the Iowa and Illinois sides. It was actually a good memory…I was a bit surprised I had any of those involving him. Guess that only proves how much we sensor our life as we go on. Holding onto memories which solidify a certain ‘image’ we have of a person. So rare it is probably, that these images are anywhere near the core of who the person really is. I suppose that’s a bit sad…that realization.

In short. The drive through the woods along the Mississippi was nice.

While at The Wal Mart they bought a 46 inch flat screen t.v., a surround sound system, and a modern looking television stand which will most certainly clash a bit in their wood paneled living room decorated with a plethora of Eagle (I capitalize out of respect for our nation’s symbol) statues, Eagle ‘paintings’ and Eagle mirrors. <—think this but as a Living room. Or this:

The most annoying thing about the purchases was now D and I were responsible for figuring out how to put it all together, and make it work. B refuses to read to instructions, and refuses to put any effort whatsoever into actually putting something, anything, to memory. He will blame it on chocolate mescaline use in Vietnam, but I blame it on laziness. (pretty much at any point I say “D and I” were stuck doing something…I mostly meant D because he’s super nice like that. I needed a half a Xanax just to deal with the dismantling of the old entertainment center.)

The spending has kicked into a frenzy. I fear for their souls. There will be fights, and crying. Mom has already said, “Your father would never have blown this money on T.Vs and crap for his ‘ol pick up” (B. is also spending lots of cash on his truck(s). Neon Underlighting. Flashy Chrome Details, and other testosterone driven knick knacks.) Mom is playing the Disappointment From a Dead Father card; quite the bold move on her part this early in the Mad Cash Spree game.  I heard him mention the amount of dust behind the shoddy old entertainment center (it bowed in the middle from the weight of the old mammoth television.) He was playing the “Poor Housekeeper Card.”  Pretty risky to use with all the people in the living room to hear.  Man, I’m glad I don’t live there…  (I, of course, love them both dearly.)

I took some photos of the ‘Native American Children’ dolls that inhabit the guest bedroom upstairs. These are the faces staring at me while we sleep.

Almost adorable, this face…but if you look in the eyes…actually DON’T! Don’t look into the eyes!

It’s a wonder we can sleep at all.

Home For the Weekend

I’m heading home soon to spend time with the Fam. It will be nice seeing everyone…and stressful at the same time. Going home brings on a lot of feelings of edginess, er on edgeness. Whatever. I’m glad Grandpa isn’t staying at mom’s anymore. He’s a bit of a downer…not because he is really sick, that’s not his fault, it’s his attitude about it all. He’s quite rude to Mom, and she mostly takes it. He’s just kind of a pathetic person in general. And yes, you can say things like that about your family; at least in mine you can. I was surprised to hear he is driving. Hell, a couple months ago he was picking imaginary watermelons in my mother’s living room, now he’s behind the wheel of a car. Friggin’ scary. I think I’m going to recommend he calls someone for a ride from now on.

Well, I’m going to eat some food…the Red Bull I had for breakfast is pushing my body over the edge. Wish me luck with my fam.

Sure this post was lame, and pointless…but it gave me an excuse to post this hilarious photo of my Mom (on the left) and my Aunt giving my families’ love salute.

Earth Day Bugs Me.

Yep, you read the title right. Earth Day Bugs.

I’m so sick of people saying, “Save the Earth,” and “The Earth is Ours We Must Take Care of it!” Ugh.

First of all. The Earth itself does not need saving. We do. The Earth will be just fine…sure we’ll screw up the atmosphere, poison the waters and the land, be the cause of the end of entire species, but this can only go on until we make it so bad that even us, with our vast intelligences and abilities to cope, will die. We will die. All of us. And then…well then the Earth will do what she always does when she is left alone to do so, stabilize.

Over time the Air will be clean again, the Oceans will not be full of plastic and chemicals, and new species will populate the planet (perhaps plastic ones), walking on the land above our bones. And all will be right with the world until the Sun swells and swallows the Earth in its fiery extinction.

Don’t get me wrong…I think we should recycle, we should find and use alternative clean energy, we should stop polluting our water with our Percocets and our crystal meth, we should plant more trees and cut less down, we should do a lot of things and stop doing even more. However, we need to realize we aren’t really doing this to save the planet; we’re doing it to save our own asses. We should have been doing this all along if we truly are the “caretakers” of the Earth as many will proclaim on this day. The Earth wouldn’t need ‘care taking’ if we wouldn’t have kicked her ass environmentally. She pretty much takes care of herself. That’s her deal.

“The Earth is ‘Ours…’” I’ve been hearing this today. And to be honest. It’s dumb.

O.k. ‘dumb’ might be a bit harsh. But see, the way I look at it the idea of the Earth ‘belonging’ to us is a bit absurd, and quite possibly is the reason we felt justified in doing these horrible things to her. We are not the ‘care takers’ either. We may want to be, and it does sound pretty and fantastical, but if we truly looked at how we treated this planet we would realize our actions do not align with the perceptions.

Sure, I want to be a caretaker of the planet, who wouldn’t? But in truth we’re just creatures trying to survive here. I’m sure it’s quite miraculous, this thing called life, but believing it’s all a miracle means we’re being watched over by the miracle maker(s); God-like entity(ies) will bail us, the good people, out before it gets really bad, so who cares what we really do during our time here. The Earth is no sandbox for souls.

This is all we got. At least it is all we know we have. For this reason, as creatures on this tiny rock, traveling around a finite sun, in a possibly infinite universe (whom by the way wants us dead…or at least is not generally kind to biological life with its black holes, radiation, and occasional gamma ray bursts) it’s in our best interests to not…um what is it my Grandfather always said?

“Don’t Shit Where you Eat.”

Grandpa – Redneck Wise.

The First. A List.

I begin with a top 10. I never do top 10s. I’m not sure why I don’t. I’m not sure why I don’t do a lot of things…it’s part of my ’shtick.’ We all have ’shticks,’ you know? I also ramble. So without further adieu a TOP 10 Random Things About Me. (or at the very least 10 things about me in a list form, and since they are 10 random things it’s a little oxymoronic and pointless. Yay!)

Number 10.

I am what a scientist would label as “a homosexual male.” I am however not the image that some would think of as a “homosexual male.” Here is a small breakdown of, let’s say, 3 stereotypes I am not.

A. The Drag Queen.

B. The Bear.

C. The Jock

*think Abercrombie…

I’m just some guy who happens to also be attracted to other guys. Sometimes I’m a little bummed I didn’t inherit the gay traits of fabulousness. But only sometimes.

Number 9.

I’m Spiritual but not religious. And I don’t really know what that statement means. I do know I’ve given the big questions a lot of thought. Too much, probably. I don’t take people, or things for granted. I want there to be a reason. For all of this. And I search for that reason. This is my “spiritual” side; I suppose.

I don’t trust religion as en entity. As a construct. It’s manipulative in most forms, and dangerous. It is the root of many horrendous acts against humanity (intentionally or not). It’s like a giant guilt magnifier, reflecting back our self-hatred. (So it’s like a mirror too…um a big guilty mirror machine) We screw a lot of shit up; there has to be some sort of karmic guilt in this. In our religions, in the constraints we’ve constructed we are all sinners, and we must pay for what we’ve done.

I just wanted to add, as an after thought…In retrospect (the next day) I was a bit too harsh on Religion.  I don’t want to say someones’ own personal experience with a religion can’t be a very fulfilling, and positive experience.  I just mostly don’t trust old men with lots of power.  That’s just my beef, though.

Well, personally I just don’t see how this gets us anywhere. Waiting to be doomed. It seems foolish. And this why I’m not “religious.” That and I’m not a big fan of Sundays. The concept ruins the day.

Number 8.

Sometimes. Well a lot of times. When I chew food, or if I make the “O Face,” my right eye will close. I will also get a lot spasms along the right side of my face and down my neck. Most likely I have something called Hemifacial Spasms or Meige’s Syndrome. Some day I will get it treated, probably with surgery or maybe anti-seizure medications. I don’t want Botox, even though it’s an option…I just don’t like the idea. It makes me self conscious at times, the twitch. But whatever, I know it’s nothing to whine about.

Number 7.

I’ve always loved trees. I don’t hug them, or anything. I just have always enjoyed the image of a tree. I have several trees in pots, and one day if take care of them properly I will be able to call them Bonsai. I also love to garden.

Number 6.

I am an introvert. But to most people who meet me, I may come across as an extrovert. But be forewarned I am NOT. Chances are if we meet (rare) and we become friends (rarer) I will not be someone who goes out with you to the bars a lot(mostly never), or any place where there are a lot of people. Large groups of people creep me out, and I am fairly (i.e. very) impatient with most other humans. I mean I get it, I know deep down we’re all good people…but some of you, some of you really piss me off. So much that I don’t want to leave my house. Not so much that I don’t want to leave my couch and I gain 300 lbs or anything, but enough I’ll complain about it in Number 6 of a countdown that will fade away into the Neterscape for no one to see. So yeah…be nicer folks. Oh yeah, and I’m shy.

Number 5.

Once when I worked at Subway as a “sandwich artist.” Yeah, I know…I was amazed they had faith in my artistic sandwich artistry, but they did. They did so much in fact they allowed me to wear their costume of honor. A blow up Sandwich Outfit, in the month of July, with a 20 lb air compressor strapped to my back. They LET me stand on one of the busiest intersections in Ft. Madison, Iowa (busy intersection and Ft. Madison is an oxymoron) and wave at the cars as they drove by. You would be amazed at how many people will shout “Fag,” and “Fu$K You!” at a sandwich. Good memories. Oh, here’s an picture to help you imagine the glory.

Number 4.

I love the Number 4. It’s the day of the month I was born. And most of my family members have a 4 in their birthday. If they don’t, I don’t like or trust them. I mean how could I? They’re NON-4s. We 4s shouldn’t associate with the non-4s. It’s been foretold of their evils. You know? Seriously, though…I sure do like that number. It’s cute. (Don’t tell him, I don’t think he knows)

Number 3.

I live in Iowa. And I like it.

I’ve traveled to many places. And there’s many places I like to visit; many beautiful parts to this country, but in this part of my life I am quite happy living in Iowa. I’m lucky enough to share my life with my partner and best friend, D.

In a way I’m glad most people couldn’t find Iowa on a map.

Number 2.

I am a nerd: I love techie stuff, love to read science magazines, was into ‘ufology’ and other bizarre geeky stuff as a teen (o.k. and it still secretly interests me now), I’m a ‘gamer’ and I have been playing City of Heroes for about 3 years. I’m not hardcore about it, or anything. I mean, I could quit whenever I wanted to, really. I’m not in a huge supergroup, and I don’t have teamspeak, nor do I attend ‘gatherings.’ I just like the game, okay? I also like to read. Books. And I spend a lot of time on the magical internet…reading…mostly science articles, techie stuff, you get the idea.

This is Teen Psychic in mid-teleport. She is a gravity controller whose secondary power is Kinetics. And I’ve just earned 500 nerd points for posting this.

Number 1

I’m a cynic hiding his hope.

I want a better world for the kids. So everyone, stop being so mean. Look how sad you make the kids. Every time you break a beer bottle over someone’s head or kick a one legged homeless man you’re making these kids sad. So stop it! Be nice!